Can you remember those first few days when you knew your husband was The One? Butterflies, inability to think of anything or anyone else, waiting by the phone for him to call, and that feeling when it was him on the other end.
Then there were the huge efforts you put into how you looked and acted, how you wanted him to be happy.
He did the same for you. Put his arm around you when you were cold, made you dinner or breakfast in bed, looked into your eyes and told you he loved you for the first time.
And yes, all of this and all those other little things you can think of: That’s how you fell in love.
But what happens when those things fade away?
Well, often so does the love. Not the actual love. But the appearance of that love: The romance, the obsession over each other.
Fortunately, you can bring that love back. You can make your man obsessed with you again. Start by doing these three things.
Surprise him with sex. No really, surprise him.
First of all, if you’re not having regular sex, it’s time to sit up and listen up. No matter how much women claim that true love is about support, respect and unconditional love (and it is to an extent), sex is a huge part of any marriage. You need sex. And men need sex.
So if you’re not having it, you have a problem, and you need to jump on your guy the next time you see him. Ok? Ok, we got that out of the way.
Now, if things are a little better and you’re indeed having sex … just not very often or very … what’s the word … passionately, you need to step it up a bit.
1) Make sure you have a time set. For example, before he goes to turn on the TV at night, plan on telling him you need “help” with something upstairs.
2) Groom yourself beforehand. Yes, we know, you’re not a dog. But shave, wax, pluck—whatever you need to do. And also do your hair, put on makeup and have a little something sexy underneath …
3) … Or go out and get yourself a nice set of lingerie.
4) When you get to it, go slow. Look him in the eyes with your sexiest come hither look, whisper in his ear, move around the bed instead of letting him do all the work, and make sex last.
Trust us, he’ll be pretty obsessed over you at this point.
Add some mystery to yourself.
Many women make the mistake of making themselves too available to their men. Now, in a husband/wife relationship, you naturally want to be available. Heck, you want to me more than just “available.” You need to be there for him through thick and thin.
What we’re talking about is that special “je ne sais quoi” that all men want their women to have. “Je ne sais quoi” means “I don’t know what” in French, and what it really means is some special little hint of exclusiveness and elusiveness.
To cultivate this in yourself, try doing more things without your husband instead of always hanging around. Start getting involved in new hobbies, and have your own interests. Paint, draw, start running, read a new book, make new friends, join some clubs, get a new hair style, start wearing makeup, jazz up your wardrobe. It’s the little things that will really pique his interest.
Go out and do something new together.
According to Scientific American, oxytocin (the hormone) is your best friend. That’s because it promotes a strong bond or connection between you and whatever you are experiencing (whoever you’re with) when it’s released into your brain.
And you get oxytocin when you do exciting things, like falling in love or experiencing new adventures. For example, having sex (the orgasm) releases oxytocin in your brain and so does jumping out of an airplane with nothing but a parachute. (Both exciting in their own way!)
You don’t have to go jump out of an airplane with your man to make him fall head over heels with you again, but any new experience or adventure could benefit from this oxytocin release. Take a cooking class together, or try a new sport. Even taking a vacation together could do the trick.
What if These Techniques Don’t Work?
Alright, if the situation’s more dire than just lack of sex or mystery in your marriage, you’ll need to pull out all the stops.
Marriage is tough (understatement anyone?), and it requires even tougher fixes when things go wrong. We’ve seen a lot of marriages have success with Mend the Marriage, a comprehensive program by Brad Browning that has been shown to produce results in broken marriages or splits almost immediately.
Brad Browning is a world-renowned relationship coach, and he developed this program in order to help any type of marital issues. There is a women’s track for wives, but there’s also a man’s track for husbands who may be wanting to mend their own side of a broken marriage and need particular, directed help. Each program has a unique take on what part a man or a woman should play in a marriage, but they’re both grounded in the same essential principles.
In the program, the information is delivered in detail, but it’s also to the point. There’s no beating around the bush if you have problems in your marriage, and the program approaches the fixes in the same way: “Here’s what you need to do today.” There’s even a 60-day money back guarantee.
Remember, if your marriage is important to you and you and your spouse are going through rough times, don’t assume that’s just “the norm.” Don’t you want your husband (or wife!) to obsess over you again the way they used to? Try this program, and use the techniques in the main article. No marriage is perfect, but if there’s room for improvement, do it!