4 Reasons Why Men are Afraid of Love

4 Reasons Why Men are Afraid of Love

by Mirabelle Summers

4 Reasons Why Men are Afraid of Love

While some men have no issue with the idea of an emotional commitment, the word “love” can send other men running for cover. They may not feel ready to love someone else, or they might be downright afraid.

These fears might appear at different stages within a relationship, and it’s important to be understanding of his feelings.

Try not to let them make you feel insecure or impatient. If you think your significant other is afraid of love, try having an open conversation. Communication can help you both connect and feel more comfortable with everything that comes with a relationship.

1. Love makes men feel vulnerable

Unlike the fairer sex, society tends not to allow room for men to feel vulnerable. Unfortunately, they still do. Men fear rejection on a core level.

To be romantically rejected is to be destroyed to them. They feel rejection on a deeper level than women do and it can cause them to fear the risks involved in love. In our culture, men are expected to pursue women and then a woman has the option of accepting or rejecting a man’s proposal. This causes men to have to put their feelings on the line and occasionally be shot down.

This can damage their ego and inflame any personal insecurities that they may have. You may notice that just when your relationship feels like it’s moving to the next level, he pulls back into his shell and withdraws emotionally. He does this to protect himself because he’s feeling vulnerable.

Try to be patient and show him that you are reliable in your love.

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2. With happiness comes the chance for pain

We’ve all heard the phrase “the higher you fly, the further you fall.” Men can fear love because the flip side of a great love is a great loss. In his mind, if he loves you deeply, there’s a chance that something will go wrong and he will get hurt.

There’s a fear to invest so much of his emotional self simply because coming back from heartbreak is hard. Men tend to prefer to avoid it all together rather than suffer. Unfortunately, to avoid pain he’s also avoiding happiness.

3. A relationship can put pressure on a man to ‘Grow Up’

Being in a relationship means caring for someone other than yourself and that can be an overwhelming idea for some men. Try to avoid putting too much pressure on him to “grow up.” It’s not fair to accept his immaturity and then up and decide that he needs to do a 180 overnight. Give him time and support him in his growth.

Sometimes men fear that if they enter into a relationship, they will have to give up some of the fun things they love to do, like watching sports or their favorite hobbies.  Another major fear is that love means a woman might try to force him to give up his bro time. To stave off this fear, encourage him to spend time with his guys. On poker nights, leave and go do something completely separate and equally enjoyable for you so that you also have YOU time.

4. Personal insecurities

Many men feel unworthy of love due to hidden insecurities they’ve carried with them throughout life.

This usually stems from early childhood criticism from a trusted adult. It manifests a feeling of shame that can make a grown man feel flawed or defective and not worthy of anyone’s love.

For example, if he was made to feel stupid because of a speech impediment that has since disappeared, that feeling of embarrassment can linger. If he was chubby as a child and was teased, he may still struggle with body image issues no matter what he looks like.

In addition, if he grew up watching his parents be highly successful and he doesn’t feel like he’s “measured up” this can dominate his feelings of self-worth and cause his personal insecurities to sabotage a loving relationship.

He may push you away or engage in behaviors that distract from his perceived personal flaws. Encourage your man to love and forgive himself by being loving and forgiving of his hesitations.

Being supportive is one of the foundations of good, healthy relationships in which love can bloom.  If you know that this man is the one deserving of your love, be open with him, encourage communication between you, and give him a supportive space in which he can open his heart up to you, too.
BTW Don’t miss this powerful presentation my friend Sarah put together…

Here is one simple skill that will make him love you forever

To your love life success!

Kind regards,
Mirabelle Summers
Relationships Coach and CoAuthor of Conversation Chemistry



    1. @Jennifer Girls like you are what men are afraid of. Women who just snap at anything. I thought there were some good points in this article coming from my male perspective, most women unfortunately just want to hear what they already believe (all men are jerks, etc), rather than hearing that there are reasons why men behave the way they do.

      1. Paul, not all woman are like that. I agree that some are, but not most. Most of us that want our relationships to last need to know what goes on in a man’s mind and how he is feeling. To get intimate with someone you need to break through the outer shell and tear down the walls to find what makes them tick at their core. This article helped shed a little light into how to do that.

  2. Any help appreciated. He told me he loved me completely unexpectedly. And it scared him to death. He said he does not use those words, had been hurt so deeply that he promised himself he would never say them and has not in over 10 yrs.. That this was unexpected and he needed to think about it and pray about it. I told him that my soul loves his soul and that its ok and to please not shut me out. He said that the truth of the heart does not just slip out, but he needs time and asked me to bear with him. I have not text nor called him, its now been 4 days since this occurred. He is leaving for an overseas trio tomorrow. How do I encourage communication with him yet respect the space that he requested which I feel I’ve been doing as it is time he needs. I adore, respect highly and love this man. I am hurting by not knowing where or what is going on. I don’t know whether to have a broken heart at this stage and just move on, or be elated that this man feels the same. Some help would be most appreciated. Thank you.

  3. My question, so when he does run, after telling you he loves you – freezes up and won’t talk to you because he is afraid and running. How do you re- open then lines of communication with him? Trying to give the space he needs, but how do I open this back up so that we do not lose this special bond out of fear? Help!!!

  4. You don’t reopen the lines of communication. He does. The man leads a relationship, or should. If he runs, allow him as much time as he needs to decipher his thoughts and feelings. If he returns, simply love him. If he doesn’t return, love him. If he returns, frightens himself again and runs, love him. Your feelings won’t change for him. My beliefs ~ The way to woman’s heart is safety. Does he feel like “home?” Do feel beautiful when you’re with him? Do you bloom? If he needs time, respect his privacy. He needs to lead. I’ve made all the errors, called, emails … If he wants to be with you, he will. It’s simple. There isn’t a time limit to love. If you’re counting the moments that pass and feel you should move on, then by all means do. If you question which direction, stay put. Anything worth it’s salt, takes time. Give him that time. Give yourself that time. If his running makes you feel ill at ease, no longer safe, secure, loved, beautiful, wanted … at home? You must actively decide the course and/or exit from your relationship. Someone I loved very much ran, for a year, almost to the day. We caught up on what has transpired in his life in the past year. He shared a life changing decision he needed to decide on. I called to see what he decided. I believe he’s run once again. Haven’t heard from him. It’s basic, if someone wants you in their life, they will be there front and center. Indecisiveness, hesitation, my existence, are the main factors in whether or not I feel secure with a man enough to share my heart with him … if he feels like “home.” As I mentioned earlier, we caught up on what had transpired in “his” life. The differences in a friendship vs. a relationship are as far and wide as the East is from the West. As always, actions speak louder than words.