5 Destructive Behaviors That Incinerate Good Relationships
By: Rick Wall
Despite the common misconception that good chemistry and fidelity is all that is needed in order to sustain a good romance, many couples who appear to be in an ideal partnership, find themselves on the brink of devastation. The truth is that no matter how much chemistry a couple has, no matter how well intended each party may be, there are certain destructive behaviors that can completely dismantle a good union. Following, are five destructive behaviors that will incinerate any good relationship.
1. Not Prioritizing the Relationship
How you prioritize the way you engage your partner speaks volumes to them. Today’s culture is high paced, and there seems to be a million things that you have to get done each and every day, with much of it having significant merit. It can become easy to make certain decisions that place other activities ahead of what should be the most important ally in your life — believing that your partner will understand. Having a hyper-busy schedule cannot be considered a pass for failing to put your mate first. Your time is your most valuable asset, so how you prioritize your time and activities says a lot about what is important to you. There are few things that will erode the closeness and intimacy you initially enjoyed quicker than failing to make your mate a priority.
2. Being Controlling
Your mate is your partner, and should be considered an equal — not someone to be controlled or manipulated. This principle goes for both parties. While it is easy to see how men can be controlling, it is important to understand that women can be controlling also. While men are more direct in their controlling behavior, dictating what and when their partners can do, women are normally controlling through the indirect mechanism of manipulation. Whether it is the man setting ultimatums and dictums, or the woman using guilt trips, being controlling will literally choke the life out of what you have worked hard to build.
The presence of neediness in modern relationships has become a recurring theme. While being needed is an important element in any bond, the presence of hyper-neediness can place an exorbitant amount of strain on the person whom the demand has been placed. A partnership is supposed to bear a certain balance. Both parties should bring stability and strength to the situation; however, neediness is highly indicative that a person is struggling with issues of low self-worth. Neediness offsets the balance in the union. Neediness is a form of desperation, and that is the antithesis of attraction.
While it may seem that settling in marriage or partnership should not create a problem with your partner, it will eventually create a problem between both of you. It is important to understand that there is a difference between settling and comprise in a when two people merge their worlds. Compromise is to be expected as a part of the give and take dynamic of this new arrangement. Settling is the act of accepting things that you are unhappy with for the purpose of sustaining the existing situation. The truth is that every time you settle, it will take away a piece of you until nothing is left. The relationship has to be balanced between two partners who desired to give more than they desire to take.
5. Making Mistrust Your Mistress
Consistent mistrust between two people who have decided to share a life together can be a destructive force that will literally make both parties miserable. There are times when there may be a reason not to trust your partner. If this is the case, both of you need to deal with the issues that are causing the distrust. However, the type of distrust that is highly toxic to a union is that distrust that is unfounded — constantly accusing and questioning the partner about what they are doing and with whom.
Mistrust can be the result of past hurts, or the fear of being hurt, however, it must be effectively managed if the relationship is to last. Start with open communication with your partner, and if necessary, seek help to identify the source of the mistrust, so that you can put it behind you.
While chemistry and commonality can help to build a strong and lasting union with the person you love, the aforementioned behaviors will slowly drive a wedge between the best of couples.