How To Let Go Of Relationship Bitterness and Learn To Trust Again

How To Let Go Of Relationship Bitterness

and Learn To Trust Again

by Rick Wall

 how to let go of bitterness


There are many things that have the potential to creep into your life and totally wreak havoc; however, there are few things that can wreak havoc with the ferociousness that bitterness can.

The specific type of bitterness that I am speaking of here is that bitterness that languishes in the subconscious of women — stemming from past failed relationships. Having stronger emotional centers than men, women are more vulnerable to holding on to past hurts, which allows these wounds to fester, creating highly irritated emotional scar tissue that manifests itself in so many ways both in their lives and in their current relationships if they’ve ventured into the territory of new love.

When counseling women in their current relationships, I can often trace back through several failed relationships to the actual source — an unforgiven wrong perpetrated by someone they trusted with their heart. The subsequent failed relationships were simply the result of them not being able to release the pain and anger that they were feeling as a result of the transgression against them.


Recognizing Bitterness

The problem with bitterness is that it can manifest itself in so many different ways that it can be extremely difficult to detect its presence; nevertheless, it is extremely vital to identify bitterness as soon as possible before its poison permeates every aspect of your life.   When it comes to moving forward into a new relationship, there are not too many things more frustrating for a man than paying for the sins of another.



There are three primary ways that bitterness will manifest itself:

  1. The first kind of bitterness is normally directed at a higher power. For those who believe in God, this type of bitterness is directed at Him. This comes from the belief that God should have protected you from the harm you suffered.

  2. The second kind of bitterness is directed at others. This is a way of acting out and making others pay for the transgressions of the person who hurt you. This is because that person is almost always gone on with their lives and your actions have no direct impact on them.

  3. The third type of bitterness is bitterness that is directed inwardly. It can be difficult to forgive yourself for allowing a person into your life who did not deserve to be there.


Any of these three forms of bitterness can take a devastating toll on your life. Bitterness is a poison that robs a person of the capacity to appreciate life — leading to an inability to show gratitude. It is gratitude that is the force that attracts the favor of the universe. Where there is no gratitude, darkness will soon set it.


The Importance of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of the most misunderstood concepts known to humans; however, it is a major requisite to the healing process. Most people make forgiveness synonymous with forgetting, which makes it almost impossible to forgive.

There are many things that people will do to you that will be impossible to forget, but you must be willing to forgive them. Forgiving simply means that you are releasing them of the debt associated with the pain that they cause. It says that you are not expecting anything from them to make amends for their actions.

Why is this important? Releasing a person of their emotional debt to you, means that you are no longer expecting anything. When you don’t forgive, it means that you are still waiting for the score to be settled. This could come in the form of an apology, or other means of making amends.

It could also come in the form or watching them suffer through the same type of pain you endured. The problem with this is that every time you fail to get the results you are looking for it reopens the wounds and can even cut deeper.

Forgiveness only requires that you release them from their debt; it does not require that you allow them to remain in your life or that you give them another shot. It simply requires that you let it go so that you can begin the healing process.
The last thing that you want to do is take the poisoned root of bitterness into your next relationship.

If you are experiencing unexplained fits of anger, depression or hostility toward others, you should take the time to look within to determine if you are still holding on to past hurts. If so, take the necessary steps to release it and let it go, even if you have to seek professional help to do so. You could end up saving your relationship while enhancing your capacity for happiness!


Looking for a great resource to take a positive step in letting go of the hurt and anger that is holding you back in your life?  Take a look at this video from my friend Heather. She has overcome virtually insurmountable obstacles to live her dream life, inspiring others, traveling, attracting wealth, a great relationship and being happy.


Watch this video, be inspired, and NEVER let any obstacles prevent you from loving and enjoying your incredible life… No excuses:


==> Go HERE to watch the video



  1. my Question is… How do you do that after living with Domestic Violence? I find myself now dumping every guy I date after the third or fourth date. I don’t trust any guy. Everything to me is a red flag. How can I tell if the things that I thing are bad things about the guy…. Or is just me finding a reason not to trust anyone?

  2. Hi this is a good read.
    I have been dating someone for the past year and I find myself trusting then not trusting and it is destroying my relationship. My past relationship was full of lies and it was very toxic and now I feel like my gutt is always telling me not to trust. How can I shake this off. Because I really do love my partner and I think my bitterness will destroy me and the relationship.

  3. Really good read my husband cheated on me and really hurt me with lies! I’m silk with him because he had begged for forgiveness and has realized how bad he hurt me but I’m so afraid to let him completely back in my heart! I keep fighting with him over it! I know I need to stop but can’t figure out how!

    1. I feel your pain completely. My wife has done the samething to me. And after being caught having the affair we are going through counseling, I later learn she also cheated on me with her ex husband 7-8 years ago too.
      I too am quite torn on what to do. One minute I’m in this for the long haul with counseling, the next I’m rethinking it all over.
      She hasn’t shown me just how sorry she really is and has not cried a whole lot of tears since its unraveled either.
      But forgiving someone after such a betrayal is very much hard for me to do.