The Surprising Thing All Men Crave

The Surprising Thing All Men Crave (It’s Not What You Think)

by James Bauer

Is it even possible for your significant other to turn you on when he’s been acting like an absolute jerk all day, hurting your feelings and making you feel small and worthless? Not unless his behavior changes radically, and even then the chances are rather small.


These days most people realize a woman’s brain is the organ of the body that matters most when it comes to turning on the passion in a relationship. It’s much less common to find a person who knows the same thing is true about a man. Yes, men can be interested in sex even when there is emotional tension in the relationship, but I’m talking about the aspects of the relationship that men have to work harder at. I’m talking about the non-sex parts that make up 95% of the joy and meaning both partners feel in a truly committed relationship. Relationship issues and emotions do affect that part of passion for men.

That’s right, men need to feel a certain way if you want them to “perform”. If you want him to be really deeply engaged in the relationship, you’ve got to pay attention to his mind and emotions.

But which emotions matter most to a man? It’s not the same stuff that matters the most to a woman.

I’ll tell you the answer. Before I do, I need to prepare you. It’s not what you would expect, and you might doubt the importance of it when I tell you. Remember that men experience relationships differently. As a result, the issue that matters most to men may strike you as petty or small.

In a relationship, the most important thing that will affect a man’s ability to “perform” is the level of respect he feels in the attitudes, actions, and words of the people around him.  When I say, “perform,” I am referring to emotional openness, willingness to work through problems, true investment in the relationship, and the desire to make you happy above all else.

In my early twenties, there were two women who both expressed an interest in me. Both of them were very attractive. Both of these women were very attracted to me. That’s where the comparison broke down though. The way they treated me was very different. They both attempted to use complements to spark conversations and show their interest, but they did so in very different ways.



  1. Now I’m curious “what matters most to women?” I think most of us want to feel that same respect for how and who we are instead of what we look like. This article, I think describes what most people of both genders, want in a partner.

  2. Extraordinarily Insightful…and very true. Most men are not shallow. This impression, even in his twenties, shows brilliant depth of understanding of self. Bravo!

    I hope more women truly understand this! Maybe, longer lasting relationships would follow! So long as it is mutual….

    1. I agree. Most PEOPLE have depth. Compatibility is revealed through interaction. Interaction does not limit itself with verbal-communication. Sharing non-verbal; listening; inquiring; noticing; laughing; exposing are insecurities and are vulnerabilities. its unique for all of us. Are unique interaction is merely seeking the right combination. There is no wrong or right way.

  3. Hmmm…is it just me or is being respectful just common sense? It’s not a dating tip, it’s how we should act towards one another regardless. Even in our non-romantic relationships, we need to have that deep respect for each other, as people. Not trying to belittle the author or his article, but this isn’t new information. The Golden Rule, treat others as you want to be treated. Simple as that.

  4. It goes both ways, you treat a woman with the same respect and not “treat her like a jerk’ will gain you more respect.

  5. Interesting I lost all respect for my wife when I found out she was lying to me and then lying to cover up the lie. She totally disrespected our relationship and me when she started her lying which led to her cheating and physical abuse. 23 years just gone.

  6. Don’t try to justify lack of respect. Don’t try to squeeze in gender. Don’t insert butter-ups.

  7. Lack of respect is a choice that has nothing to do with gender and can not be dismissed with flattery.

  8. WhIle I appreciate this insight, the women were met in different situations. Someone you meet in a restaurant is unlikely to compliment your mind, as they haven’t seen that side of you.

  9. Enjoy many of your posts, surely real love is more natural than copying whats in relationship books? Both those ways might work if it’s the right person. Have to say, to me, with true love everything is said within a moments glance. Personally I wouldn’t get with someone unless I thought highly of them to start with. I met the most wisest plus hottest man of my life that way, the only time I gave a kiss first rather than received, plus the only one in my life worth the effort of asking out. I say always go with your heart!

    1. Seeing others reviews, yes it went both ways, feelings were mutual. There was the walk, talk, agreement before our first kiss

  10. Not being sexist, but the majority of you women are missing the point. Both genders like to be respected, but there is a level and type of respect that is more appealing to men. To provide this positive ego treat (at a minor sacrifice) is the equivalent of expressed love. Most of you will agree that this type of “flattery” is not what ladies, but it is innate to the make-up of men. If you want to catch something you need bait your hook with what they want, not what you want to give. Words of wisdom