Was The Whole Relationship a Fraud? Tips for Getting Over a Breakup

Tips for getting over a breakup


Tender feelings, anger, resentment, and defeat are normal after a breakup.


You’ve heard before that “Your ego is just hurt” or “You’re angry now, but that will go away.”


At the time, though, you never think that the painful memories of the good times, the remembrance of promises you told each other, or the feelings you so truly felt for that person will ever go away.


And when things ended badly between the two of you, it’s even worse.


“What relationships actually end well” you ask?


Good point.


But in some cases, breakups are more hideous than others. For example, if you find out your partner:


  • Was never actually in it for the long term
  • If they weren’t forthcoming with this fact and flat out lied to you
  • If they were using you in some way


Then it is worse, and you’re forced to deal with it on top of everything else you have going on in your life: On top of bills and obligations, stress at work, getting back into dating, family issues, friends you’ve been ignoring … It’s a terrible feeling.


But something that can help you during this time lies in realizing that your thoughts right now are not all true.


And in many cases, the pain and hurt you’re feeling is just skewing your vision on what happened.


First, you must remember that … people change.


You’re thinking right now that everything was a lie, from the moment they saw you, right up until the moment before they broke it off.


More likely, your partner really thought things were going somewhere with you, and then … they didn’t think that anymore. They changed. They were not trying to dupe you or trick you or lie to you. When they said meaningful things to you, they meant them, but somewhere along the line, their life took a diverging path.


Or it even could have been a change in you that triggered a change of path in them.


And then when you started to notice they were feeling distant or when the things they said started sounding weird (maybe only in retrospect can you see it now), that’s when they could have been doing some lying.


This happens in a lot of relationships, and yeah, it’s maddening as hell, but if you can see through the terribleness that you feel … you’ll see that your partner was trying to salvage something that they felt for you at some time. For a while, they were trying to spare your feelings. They didn’t completely lie to you all the time. It was real while it was real, and when it wasn’t real … it was over anyway because one of you had gone a different way.


The reasons for this, you ask? They’re many. Perhaps a spiritual awakening, a new set of goals for life, a new job, a death in the family.


Or purely internal changes—ones you cannot see. They take a diverging path inside themselves, and you can’t go with them. Nor should you want to. Not if you’re not wanted in their life. You need to find your own path and someone who can be on it for life with you.


Another thing that happens is that often, we’re in so much pain after a breakup that we blame the breakup on the other person 100 percent, saying that their feelings weren’t real ever.


Makes you want to pen a Facebook essay-style post, entitled I’ve Been Had: How My Entire Relationship Was a Fraud from Beginning to End, doesn’t it?


But if your relationship lasted for more than just a few months, you know this isn’t true. Psychopaths get into relationships with only the pure intention of lying and gaining things for themselves. But these are psychopaths, and there are only a few of those around.


It is highly unlikely you were dating a psychopath.


When you think and speak like this—saying that you were lied to from beginning to end in some elaborate plot to screw with your mind—you’re just speaking from a point of pain. And we understand, it hurts.


But contrary to what you might think, realizing that you actually did have some amazing moments together and that those moments were definitely real and true and pure … that’s what can set you free from the terrible pain.


As Dr. Seuss so wisely put it:


Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.


And good things did happen.


Little Tips to Get You Through a Breakup


  1. Force yourself to be more realistic when thinking of your ex and your past together. See above.


  1. Avoid lashing out and calling them names at all costs (even when they might deserve it). You’ll regret it later, and people who observe it will think you’re crazy. We know who you are, ranting Facebook posters.


  1. Cut off contact. Nothing makes the pain of a breakup go away faster than setting up an out-of-site, out-of-mind situation for yourself.


  1. Turn to friends and family for support and to get your mind off things.


  1. Experience the pain. Know it’s going to be hard, and lean into it. Once you embrace something you want to avoid, it gets a lot less scary … You’ll see.


Time heals all wounds. It will heal this one too. We promise.



1 comment

  1. Revenge Your Ex

    Each day hundreds of men and women seek revenge on their ex-mates for a
    variety of reasons, usually because they got dumped or where cheated on.
    Revenge comes in many ways. It typically starts by using social media to
    vent, and then escalates from there. Now sites like “Get Revenge On Your Ex”
    for a fee will help you get pay back or revenge.

    So what is the best way to get revenge besides slashing her tires, posting
    nude photos of her and so on.

    The best way according to the web site Right Choices 101 is to live your
    life well. This is true no matter who you are seeking revenge on. Coworkers,
    past bosses, bad friends or ex-lovers. Put your energy into succeeding and
    enjoying your life, not wasting your time, energy and resources on revenge
    that can end up costing you much more. Plus, when you seek revenge, you send
    them a massage that you have not gotten over the relationship. It’s much
    better to show you are indifferent and don’t care.

    According to Kenneth Agee of A Foreign Affair, a service that specializes in
    helping men find young beautiful foreign women, “The best revenge is to date
    or marry a women 10 years younger than your ex. This will piss her off to no
    end. No woman ever wants to be replaced with a younger, more attractive
    woman. Just like a man never likes to get replaced by a guy who is wealthier
    or more successful.

    I will never forget one of my first clients we took to Saint Petersburg,
    Russia.” says Agee, “The client told me that two days on our tour was better
    than two years of therapy. Having hundreds of attractive women fighting over
    you gets your ex out of your mind pretty quick.

    I personally went through break up when my ex ran off with another man. But
    a short time later, I met a new lady who was ten times better. I ran into
    that man who stole my ex and I gave him a big thanks. In fact, I could not
    thank him enough. He was stuck with an older nagging women, while I was now
    with a young, beautiful, caring women. Plus, my ex had gained about 100
    pounds. I don’t look at that fellow as any kind of enemy but as the person
    who saved me from my ex and years of suffering.” This is the best a revenge
    when you win without lowering yourself.

    Other sites like “Get Over Her Now” give practical advice and tips for
    getting over a past relationship.

    Top Tips from Get Over Her Now:

    Start making platonic relationships with as many women as possible, old,
    young, skinny, fat, cute or ugly. This greatly helps you get back in the
    game of socializing with the opposite sex. And it opens up lots
    opportunities to meet their cute attractive friends in a more relaxed
    environment. This also helps you build your game and confidence.

    Improve yourself, start working out, get up early every day and exercise.

    Buy new clothes. Dressing better makes you feel better and improves your

    Focus on work and getting a promotion or raise. Don’t let a break up effect
    your work negatively. Put that extra effort into work and it will pay off
    with a better position and more money. This will also build your confidence
    and help attract better quality women.

    Any time you are depressed, improving yourself helps greatly. When you feel
    depressed, don’t sit and watch TV and then sleep-in late. Get out and do
    something that will make you feel like you’ve accomplished something. Take a
    class, go hiking, fix something you’ve been putting off.

    Don’t start drinking. Drinking will always have a negative impact on your
    life. Don’t drink while depressed or when you are trying to get over some
    one. After all, drinking is for celebrating. So if you are not celebrating
    something, don’t drink. A quality women is not going to be attracted to
    someone who drinks a lot or has a drinking problem.

    Don’t sleep in; sleeping late increases depression. Get up as early as you
    can and go for a walk, take a hike, or go to the Gym. Research shows getting
    up early and exercising can eliminate depression. You will have no game be

    Don’t binge eat. If you start gaining weight, you will feel less self-worth
    and lose your confidence. Confidence is a quality that women are extremely
    attracted to.

    Conclusion, the best revenge is when you improve your life so well that she
    realizes she made a big mistake. And satisfaction comes when you meet
    someone so much better, you are glad the ex is gone. After all, if you are
    seeking revenge, how great could she really have been in the first place!