This may come as a shock to you but guys have different eyeballs than you do.
You know why I’m saying that?
Because when YOU look at yourself in the mirror, you see that front tooth that’s a bit crooked, the line where your bra presses in (you call this your “back fat”), the too-small breasts or the too-wide rear, your goofy knees, funny toes…. The list goes on and on.
But you know what your MAN sees? A woman he’d love to strip naked and get busy with right this instant, maybe sooner.
My personal body part confession…
Maybe you have a muffin top “thing,” but I used to HATE my feet.
When I was a teenager, I had surgery on my big toes (bunions, it’s such an ugly word!!) and for the next 20 years I zealously covered my feet. I never EVER owned a pair of sandals or open-toed shoes and would have died before I let a man openly look at my feet.
I have a big scar running the length of both big toes. My second toe is longer. My feet are… wanky. You know. Ugh, I could make myself MISERABLE thinking about my feet.
Shockingly, amazingly, wonderfully, I found a man actually willing (he would say, desperate!) to marry me.
I hope you’re laughing now, but at the time, I found it next to impossible to think about what kind of man would marry me “even with these feet.”
Click here to see the 3 ways MEN see your body…
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45 comments
Very informative and helpful for me
Thanks so much
So glad you enjoyed it, Clare! <3
This is a load of crap.
I found it rings true for me and I am a man, but if you are talking about very young men, well they do not yet know what they want.
As a red blooded male in love and married to his love for 16 years I found that this rings true for me.
Indeed, I wish more women would take this message to heart. My wife and I don’t enjoy intimacy largely because she has a low self-image. Nothing I say convinced her otherwise, so she’d rather not be naked with me.
As a man commenting on this brief article, I have to say that I am in complete agreement. Men spend a lot of time looking at women. It’s never the feet or the breasts (too much or too little) or the butt or the baby fat that turns us off. All of that turns us on, because women turn us on.
What turns a man off is a woman with no sense of humor, no interests other than her hair and fingernails, and women who try to remake us in the image they think we should have.
So, for what it’s worth, love yourself as you are. We do.
I wish I could think that way about my self..men who have been in my life in the past have always said they love my body, love my hair, love my ass exc…..I never see that in myself. I’ve always tore myself apart negatively. Had 20 year relationship and then 4 yr on and on. Now im finally single no luggage no drama just me and I feel I want to stay that way scared to have to get used to some else and have someone to love me for what I am because I cant see anyone liking me or loving me the way I am.i think now reading these articles I might just Realize im not 21 no more and im not going to look like them but I cam look like me amd that’s going to be fine because maybe I am worth something
You ARE worth something. You are so valuable and loved. I suggest reminding yourself of this daily if you forget.
To me, the love are from Inside, the love are how she treat me, how to grow together, how to have fun together, I love to spoil, love to give, love to love….
Come on, all woman are special, just be your self, show off, give, and you will get…
Len, LOVE your answer…..smart man!
This was cool topic. I was looking for something like this. Thanks for making my day.
What men really want is someone who is secure in their own skin, intelligent to know the difference between being “perfect” and perfectly flawed but still loved and adored despite those flaws. The mind is the sexiest organ and if women presented themselves as an independent being that doesn’t need anyone, they will attract and be loved by their partner. And they will be desired by many others, men and women!! Show your love every day, in some way, and those flaws become less apparent!! Love love
Point 3 is the main truth here. However I will qualify it. Men usually have a physical type they like (athletic, curvy, lean, cuddly) but that type is very, very broad. So if you are his type and you love (and don’t complain about) your body then your relationship is on fire. If you are his physical type and complain it you will eventually convince him you are not attractive. However if you are not his physical type then the only chance you have of attracting him by the rest of your attributes is by having high body-esteem.
Dean – Well said. I completely agree!!!
There is nothing sexier than a woman who respects her man and let’s him be the leader. So it has nothing to do withy the outer shell but everything to do with the heart and brain. Who care if she is a model if she treats me like crap.
As a man the most important thing to me is how a woman carries her body (no matter if she’s skinny, normal, overweight, etc) and how she sees herself.
My wife is always talking down about herself, “do you see this muffin top?” and I honestly don’t see it, I’ve always told her she’s beautiful and she has a good body but it doesn’t matter. All I see are nice hips that curve down to nice legs and a nice ass, but her constantly talking down about herself does do something negative to the relationship, it has with ours.
This list is SPOT on.
Love it and helpful
I notice arm flaps, stretch marks, and cellulite before I notice tits and ass… I must be weird. I notice someone being thin or fat, then face, then t&a.
I find overweight people to be absolutely disgusting. Get in the gym, it has been completely proven that anyone can get in shape. Period.. diet and exercise, hard work… doesn’t matter what medication you are on or your genetics…
I do agree about the imperfections though, a dimple, a scar, teeth. I find these to be cool little unique things, there is no such thing as perfect looks, different people have different things that make them beautiful.
the talking bad about yourself “fishing for compliments” is annoying and makes people less attractive… if your overweight go workout don’t bitch to me about it… but if you were overweight I wouldn’t be with you anyways… me and my wife workout together. She is even in greatshape now at 6 months pregnant.
LOL. I have one question for you. If you needed blood or an organ and it just so happened to come from an overweight person, would you be any less grateful? It’s pretty sad to be disgusted by a person when you don’t even know their story or what condition they have. The only thing disgusting is your prejudice attitude. You’re probably the kind of person who makes fun of bigger people that are at the gym, am I right?
U r the reason why woman end up starving themselves. .. I hope if u ever have a daughter u don’t tell her that stuff…she will end up hating herself if she isn’t a tooth pick and it will be all your fault…
I’m willing to bet Jim is a porn addict. It’s unfortunate for him that he has a skewed view of beauty and sex.
I agree with the whole concept of this article, but as someone who is, I think I can try to say objectively, fairly attractive, but has a lifelong struggle with low self-esteem and depression, it is important to share with your partner or spouse what your insecurities are and know they they love you anyway. Of course no one wants to hear the woman who constantly complains about how she looks, but it takes a lot of strength to tell the person you’re with an area of your body that you’re uncomfortable with, so that they know, and still have them love that part of you, even though you don’t.
Any site that moderates comments isn’t worth reading.
Jim, we have worked hard to keep this community a place where people come to find positivity. We have no interest in entertaining ignorant, hurtful, damaging, inconsiderate, disrespectful comments towards any human beings, much less towards our community members, or us for that matter. We have moderated comments on this thread and on the site in general that were really quite disgusting and sexual in nature. Not gonna happen here. Our interest is in protecting and respecting this community.
Having said that, Mike, the other person who moderates this site, has found the comment you made. It was flagged by wordpress because you used the full words for t&a. Mike has changed those words into the shortened version and he is manually publishing your comment. You should be able to see it soon.
Sometimes things are not what they seem, particularly on the internet. 😉
Thin lips are one of the first things I see and muffin tops are atrocious… An ass can’t hide that. (just to be clear, muffin tops are what happen when your pants are to tight, love handles are completely acceptable.) I only leave this comment because this article is a stereotype and as such creates misconceptions. I personally favor women who look like they put effort into their health, but that doesn’t mean skipping meals to be petite. Real women are easily the best
I love this. It’s everything I’ve always said about and to women over the years.
It’s what makes you unique is what makes you attractive. Perfect is so overrated. I’ll take real any day of the week.
As a 38 year old single mom of three, I agree with this article. When I relied on other people mainly men to be happy I was miserable and I only attracted miserable man. I became single, forced myself to stay that way for several months, and started doing things I enjoy such as hiking, camping, kayaking, and attending college. I stopped worrying about what guys thought of me, and I just started having fun. I started joining groups to go paddling with. Now it seems men are coming out the woodworks that are interested in me. They are interested in the independent woman who has no concern with her looks. They’re attracted to me because I’m having the time of my life and making life happen. I’m not worried about finding love based on what anyone looks like. I have a belly and small tits. They don’t care. They see me hauling my kayak to the river, they want to play bumper boats.
I have struggled with self-image for years. Finally found a guy that said I was beautiful, inside and out. Then found out he cheated on me. In an email to his lover, he wrote “why do the ugly girls always think they can get the hot guys.” Really????? Who’s the real ugly one now?????
Dear Vicki you need better, its not you, but him there have problems…keep smiling, go out, nothing happened if u stay home, go out, smile to the world, your smile open a new door, a door to your new gate. Big hug from u friend in France
No woman’s body is perfect except those who models and the very beautiful people. Yes, we have flabby underarms after a certain age and should not wear sleeveless dresses. And also other physical imperfections, but look at men. Some have flabby stomachs, men breasts, dark mats of hair on their chest, etc. I think what matters is people to be comfortable with their bodies, especially in the area of getting intimate with another person. A man in intimate situations should always make the woman feel comfortable and feel like he accepts her body. There shouldn’t be a double standard where the woman should have a better body than a man. Women with weight issues are just like men with the same issues-there may be many reasons for this. We should all stop judging others and their body types and I’m preaching to myself,too. Accept yourself for the way you are and if you need to work on problem areas, then motivate yourself,but don’t be pressured by others. In the end we are responsible for ourselves and when everyone disappears, we are left with ourselves.
Martha, you’ve made two wrong assumptions which stop the truth getting through. First that models are perfect whereas, as stated above, everyone has a different idea of perfection and for the big majority of men this is not the fashion model ideal. Then for some reason you go on abusing men and then say there’s a double standard, that a woman should have a better body than a man. No one ever said that. This is really a straw man argument. Now for the opinion part, I think that while body acceptance is very desirable, don’t use this as an excuse to avoid self improvement through exercise and healthy diet.
Okay I pray this is taken the way I mean it,
I am 49 years old and have been in so many cold empty relationships including a 14 year marriage (had kids) so I fought to hold on.
Anyways my point, I always looked with my eyes, I wanted that hot body or good looking long skinny legs or……well you get the picture, I spent 4 years alone and was really about to give up on finding love….not the crappy cheated on empty no compassion love (or so called) I was use to but LOVE someone who desired me and neither of us wanted to be without the other type of love, and just as I was giving up I met a woman who I had been friends with for a few months, wasn’t the type above mentioned, but I got to know her and realized how sweet she was and found she had the bad past of being mistreated and never knew real love either, I started to date her yes she has a little extra thickness to her body but I wasn’t looking at that but at the sweet and trusting woman inside, a comment she made early in our relationship nearly broke my heart, “I know I’m not what you want and are searching for just be honest with me when you find her and don’t play me” she thought so little of herself that I was only using her and she was temporary 🙁 I told her I couldn’t believe she thought I was that shallow and that I wanted her and not the next “pretty body” to come along she is and always will be what I want loving, caring, kind and yes she knows how to take care of her man too BUT I love curling up with her and I am happier now than I ever have been and she says the same, so ladies don’t believe there isn’t a man out there to love you JUST as you are because there is….as long as you give him the chance and love him JUST as he is!
Larry, your post was perfect! When you love, you love with your heart and soul !
Thanks so much for that insight Larry…I needed to hear that !
Depends on the guy. I was in a 4 yr. relationship , and when I first met this guy I was a size 5, but we became a family and I cooked and ate as a family on to become the “real women” that I was to be. He no longer like me for me, so I fond out he liked size only.. so his size was ..out the door.. So still after 7 yrs., still looking for that man who is “real” true and will love me for me.
Great article & so true. After studying psychology & interviewing men I have found that to be the case most of the time. I did find that different men had different tastes. Just like women. Some liked heavier more curvy women & some like skinner women. They notice their curves, eyes, smile, & personality was a big factor. By husband once told me people don’t notice your imperfections unless you point them out. So true! One of my friends is hung up on her imperfections. She is pretty & so so funny but has no confidence. The men like her at first until she starts complaining about her looks, ect. Big turn off. I have found having confidence is a big turn on to guys.
It is easy to say men like confident women but – BUT – as a strong, confident women who is voluptious (not fat, just curvacious), I can say that most men SAY they prefer confidence but they prefer confidence in a skinny girl! I like myself, honestly! I don’t confuse sex with love, I don’t expect every person to like me. They don’t have to. I like myself. I love my life, I enjoy my own company, I have many guys as friends and yes, I know I am sexy and I have a lot to offer the right guy… I have loved, I have been loved but most guys want a strong, confident perfect girl. I am pretty, I am confident, I am sexy but that is not always enough – to those guys: you don’t deserve me! I will rather (happily) be single than to settle for being your second choice! If I am not your queen, you are not worthy of being my King! I am not half of a whole, I am a complete woman. With or without you, I am happy. You either compliment me as a person or you won’t get the benefit of my time and energy.
I live in SA and have read and listen to your offers but I’m unable to afford the costs. How else can I get your help to win my husband back?
I wish more women would understand the truth of this article. I also wish that more men would honestly declare that each of us can love more than looks. Our culture so worships perfection that all of us are made to see themselves as inadequate. Well done.
Well said, and Thank you for saying it ! 🙂
It was such a gem to stumble onto this article. With so many airbrushed images of women, and references of how we “should look”. No surprise women feel inadequate and unwanted. I’m one that struggles with my opinion of self image as well, but I’m also realising that i am a loveable person, quirky, funny..and the parts that arent all that great can change…someone out there will find me adorable, and he’ll receive all the love i have to give.
Thank you for the inspiration your reads give me
Unfortunately, women are too stupid to understand this. Then their insecurities destroy the relationship! A man can do and say anything he can possibly do and say and it still doesn’t get through!!! Very sad!!!