Who should I choose?
We have a Lip Service question from one of our community members who would love your advice. Let’s help her out!
Just curious if anyone had ever been in love with someone from your past, started dating someone else when they went away, then they came back better than before. And now you feel like you have to and want to choose. What do I do? ~ Anonymous
17 comments
My feeling is that they went away for a reason and only you know what that reason is. If they come back you need to decide if the reason they left would break you up again…people change but generally not so much to remove something completely. If you are truly in love with the person you are dating now, there would be no choice so if you are debating maybe the person you are with isn’t the one you should be with.
The unanswered question: why did this person you were in love with go away in the first place?
I think you answered your own question really because if the one from the past went away and comes back it will depend on how you feel in their presence, and honestly I think it depends on where you are in the new and how long is past, although really we all invite everyone into our lives and it should be the easiest decision for you, someone will be hurt and it may not be you, although love is love. I have gone back to an ex the same one 3 times and sometimes the past is the past and time and your heart will tell. Get quite ask the universe or God for help and wait patiently. My thoughts..
The fact that you feel like you have to choose and want to may mean you are lacking something from your current relationship. You need to figure out what it is and if it has scarred your relationship and how bad. Remember the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Also, unless the guy who has come back has mentioned something about you guys starting something, I wouldn’t jump the gun. Good luck.
Always follow you heart. In which direction are you inclined to go?
If the guy from your past left for reasons that he wasn’t ready, needed to find himself, etc. (you did write that he’s come back, but better), and, If you still have unresolved feelings him, choose him. Whether it works out or not, you owe it to yourself to find out where it’ll go. (If he cheated though, run the other way!!) Also, it isn’t fair to the new guy, if you have lingering feeling for the other one…….
The past is best in the past. It isn’t fair to drag the new guy along if you have feelings for the other guy though. What I would do is sit down with the new guy and be honest. Being in a situation I’m in now I can tell you one thing fighting alone is not fun. Being honest with and getting his input will help you. Maybe the new guy would be willing to let you catch up with the old guy. But thing is will that guy just be reliving the past. Because to me you take the good memories from the post and cherish them and you take the bad and learn from it but never try to repeat the past.
I am soo with you on this… I have just had my highshcool love come back. My parents stopped us from seeing each other and I married someone I knew they liked not thinking that I would ever meet my love again. I have two kids but am still very much in love with my highshcool sweetheart.. If I didn’t have kids I would easily be with him.. So I hope you come to a decision that is for you.
So naturally, as humans, we thrive on that new feeling…which is typically why relationships don’t work. So you say they are different and better than before? Try it out and get back with us in a few months. I’d be curious to see if they were what you thought you were getting. Anyone can play a game for a bit but their true colors will always shine through.
My friend actually had a similar situation happen to her. She explained to her new guy that she still had feelings for the old flame. He understood and they separated. She then found out that the old flame hadn’t really changed that much and went back to the new guy. They dated for a week before new guy went to her and said ‘My old flame wants me back. See ya.” Now she’s dating an old friend and couldn’t be happier. The advice I gave her that I give to you is; really, really think this through before making any decisions. You have three people’s lives to think of in this. Good luck!
It sounds as though you still have feelings for the first love. It is not fair to the second love to stay with him if you will be constantly pining for first love. When a relationship is new and at its peak of lust, if your feelings were anything more than this then I would question why is there room to even consider your first love? There is obviously something not right with the second love or I don’t believe you would even consider going back to the first love! If it were me I would go back to first love because the second love is obviously not satisfying because you would be totally wrapped up there would be no question… Second love will more than likely fail especially as you are still inlove with first love and will always wonder! I tend to agree with Lisa above…if you were truly in love with second person there would be no choice, you just maybe feel guilty to leave?
If you’re in this much of a quandary, you don’t choose who to be with. You let each one go and spend a tremendous amount of time contemplating in your heart and mind why you feel so needy as to not be able to stand alone. I have told my daughter this on more than one occasion. I don’t say it to be mean, I say it in earnest and with respect. Lovr isn’t that difficult.
That should read LOVE isn’t that difficult
I was in your place once upon a time…I chose the new cos I figured the old would never let me go if he truly loved me…BUT the most important question is why did u start dating a new guy,instead of waiting for ur ex IF you thought he was THE ONE? If you started dating the new to get over the ex (which is the worst way to get over a break-up btw),then you should come clean with the new & give a chance for your past rel/ship to complete its circle. Ask for AA Chamuel & Anael for help,they are the angels for love rel/ships & will help you decide & clear the situation…GOOD LUCK!!
If you feel like you “have to” choose between two men and you’re torn about the decision, then maybe neither one is the right one for you at this point in time. Or, alternatively, maybe they’re both right and you need to explore a different type of relationship. Be careful, though, because the lure of getting back together with an ex who seems to be “better than ever” can be very strong, but they’re an EX for a reason (whether your choice or theirs).
My suggestion is to take some time by yourself, empty your mind of the confusion this situation is creating and get in touch with your gut abut what you need to do. The mind can come up with a million and one reasons for one over the other, but your gut instinct doesn’t lie. You just need to pay attention to what it’s telling you.
Grow up. If you have to choose, you should not choose either one, because in the end, you’re not good enough for either of them.
…that is all…
Go for it ! I bet you’ll be so happy ! Life is way to short ! Love is hard to come BY these days ! You must realllly be thinking hard about this ! I say GO FOR IT AND DONT STOP. Take a leap of Faith ! You deserve to be happy !