Why the Key to Lasting Love Is Focusing on Yourself First


Having a strong and loving romantic relationship is a goal we all share. It’s important to know, however, that finding a lasting bond with someone else should mean finding a lasting bond with yourself first.

Sorta sappy, right?

Yes and no.

Loving yourself may seem so easy, like something you do every day without even thinking.

But do you really love and care for yourself as an individual? Even when thing’s aren’t going well for you? Think about it.

Self-love isn’t something that’s taught in school. Even parents don’t teach it. That’s because in many ways, teachers, parents, friends and society in general show us only how to achieve love—how to receive it from doing well.

We are directly rewarded when we are:

  • Thin
  • Beautiful
  • Sexy
  • Level-headed and stress-free
  • Surrounded by expensive and interesting things
  • Acting happy
  • Achieving greatness
  • Getting things right on the first try
  • Being successful at work or school

But what about when we aren’t doing these things?

You can’t be thin and beautiful all the time. You will end up failing at work, and in relationships. You’ll forget birthdays. You’ll be late for meetings and appointments. You’ll have trouble getting a job.

These things happen to everyone, yet when they happen, who is there to say “Great job!” “You’re doing wonderfully!” “You’re amazing!”?

Hopefully you have a few people. But what if they’re not there? Would you fall apart if you were alone?

We’re taught to only feel good and positive about ourselves when others give us positive feedback. Where romantic relationships are concerned, we’re conditioned to “live off the other person,” to seek confidence, respect and happiness from how the relationship is going.

But it’s not your partner’s job to always be there to do that for you. And they won’t always be there. You have to be there for yourself.

If you expect that … there will come a time when your partner can’t give you praise or support, when you two are fighting, and things are going terribly.

Then you’ll start to crumble. And that crumbling will affect your entire relationship negatively.

Not only does a partner want to be with someone who can take care of themselvesthey don’t want to be the gauge by with you measure happiness.

Loving yourself is about knowing how to make yourself happy, how to treat yourself when you mess up, knowing that you’ll mess up and knowing that it’s okay.

It’s also about focusing on you first and then on the relationship and the other person. When things go wrong in a relationship, it’s often because one person is trying to change the other or because one person is co-dependent on the other.

Co-dependency occurs when an individual is excessively reliant on their partner for psychological or emotional support. It’s like you can’t function without cues from your partner.

Don’t look outside yourself for emotional support and confidence. You have to be able to know, improve and love yourself first.

Now with that being said, too much self-love (self-adoration) can be a bad thing too. This would be called narcissism: Excessive interest and admiration of oneself.

Don’t go there.

You just have to learn how to focus on yourself and love yourself. If you need improvement, that’s important too.

Here are some tips and tricks for getting better acquainted and more loving with yourself:

Start loving yourself immediately.

Love yourself right now. Don’t be one of those people who says they’re going to start having more confidence “once I lose 40 lbs” or “once I get a boyfriend.” This is exactly what we’re talking about when we say you can’t get your love from the outside.


Right now, at this very second, make a vow to love yourself no matter what. Even if you just messed up big time. Even if you’re feeling terrible. You always deserve love.


Know your strengths and weaknesses.

Strengths should be easy to list. If they’re not, focus on boosting your confidence. But know your weaknesses too. Do you find yourself participating in co-dependent tendencies? Are you hard on yourself? Do you tend to get depressed easily? Do you clam up and avoid letting people in? Know what you’re dealing with.

Pay attention to your actions.

If you feel right now that you have a lot you want to improve about yourself, that’s totally fine, but don’t push yourself too much. Take things one step at a time.

In fact, your first step should simply be to watch yourself. What are your tendencies? Do you stress eat or avoid hard tasks? Do you tend to fight mean when you and your partner get in an argument? Just witness what you’re doing. That’s the first step.

Know how to respond if you mess up.

Everybody screws up sometimes, but knowing what to do can change the scene for you. When you make a mistake in life, don’t beat yourself up. Acknowledge what happened and make a vow to do better next time.

Remember that everyone makes mistakes, and you’re just human. But don’t stop there. Continue to monitor yourself as in #2 and look out for a similar scenario. When it pops up again, don’t do the same thing. Try your best to improve yourself.

Set up some rules for yourself.

Those who have a religion sort of have rules set up for them already. But whether you want to add to those rules or start from scratch, having a moral trail to follow will help you as you try to be more inward focused and loving toward yourself. Sit down and think about the kind of person you want to be. Write down what you think of, and make an effort to follow these ideas in practice.

Know your mate too.


One more thing: In addition to being confident and focused on yourself, you’ve got to also try to understand your man as much as possible. This is something that falls to you because men simply don’t understand their own desires and emotions a lot of the time.

If you can hone your skills at understanding your man while controlling and monitoring only yourself, it’s the best possible situation. And it also turns your relationship into one where you are attracting your man (on a deep emotional level) instead of chasing him.

There’s actually something extremely valuable that can help with this. It’s called the Respect Principle. We’re offering a completely free presentation on this below within the Be Irresistible program.

Check out how to Be Irresistible here!

Once you start using these methods and doing the things listed in this article, you’re going to see a huge difference in yourself. If you’re not in a relationship, you’ll probably find one soon because this kind of self-love is hella hot. It’s just attractive.

And if you are already in a relationship, we guarantee you it will improve things. Good luck.