You Will Never Get Him To Commit To You Until…
by Claire Casey
There’s a fundamental difference between the way many women approach dating, and the way men tend to do it.
And this one thing is responsible for more bruised and broken hearts than nearly anything else in the world of romance…
A letter from Narita…
Hi, Claire – I’ve been dating this guy now for 3 months, and he has always been clear that he’s dating other girls. On the one hand, I understand that he’s wanting to
“date around.” On the other hand, I’m the kind who dates only one man. I am starting to feel “used,” like he’s not going to ever be serious with me and only me. How can I get this guy to drop the others and focus on me? ~ Narita
Darling Narita, thank you for writing in. There are so many women in your exact situation who want to turn this very common situation to their advantage. It CAN be done, but there are several things you are going to have to do.
Now, before we get rolling, if you’ve been following me for long you know I HATE serial dating, or dating only one man at a time.
Serial daters are at a major disadvantage.
For the sake of the weird little analogy I’m about to make, let’s say most of your relationships last about 6 months.
I hate serial dating because it’s like deciding that you will eat one fruit or vegetable ONLY for six months at a time until you go through the entire produce aisle in the grocery store, THEN you will decide which yummy healthy item you like enough to say “this is my favorite one.”
So, oranges and green beans one year, bananas and celery the next year, apples and eggplant in year three, and so on.
I know this isn’t a perfect analogy, but you gotta admit it’s close. Because in three years, you’ve only managed to try six (out of thousands!) of marvelous fruits and vegetables, and you’re not feeling all that healthy, either.
You are missing out, and needlessly burning through so much of your life without the joy you deserve!!
Oh, and SEX complicates it even more! If you decide to go to bed with your guy (who is dating around and most assuredly sleeping around), well… Ick. That’s just not a comfortable thought for a woman who wants a serious relationship, is it?
Getting naked with him is going to make him happier, and you much less happy.
BUT. I know SO many women who are determined to date this way and that I want to help you figure out a way to make it a teensy bit better. Even though I think you’re nuts to do it. 🙂
If you are a “serial dater” who wants a serious relationship you MUST get good at 3 THINGS:
1. Set solid guidelines for yourself
How long will you stick around in a relationship before you decide he is or is not the guy you want to commit to? Because you can NOT leave this up to him! A man who has an amazing, beautiful, willing woman hanging around him, no strings attached, will happily accept that woman and gather as many more as he possibly can.
So figure out your “strings.” Meaning, decide IN ADVANCE how long you’ll date him before moving on. Decide if you’re going to go to bed with him. And stick with your decisions!
2. Be crystal clear in your communication
Clear communication means you need to let a guy know that you don’t intend to stick around forever. If he likes you, that’s cool, but he needs to act fast or miss out on the Awesome which is you.
You also need to be clear if you decide to reserve your sex life for a serious man. As you move into your relationship, find a good time to tell him – with a dazzling, sexy smile: “Yeah, I don’t share that with a man until I know we are serious about each other.”
That oughta open an interesting dialogue!
Narita, that would be the PERFECT time to let him know you are interested in a man who is willing to be exclusive with you. His response will definitely let you know whether to continue to date him or not.
Which brings me straight to my next point…
3. Be willing to make quick (sometimes painful) decisions about relationships.
Once you KNOW he’s not the one for you, you need to MOVE ON. Not for his sake, but for yours. If you are determined to only date one man at a time, and you know he’s not going to be exclusive with you (in the near future or ever) you gotta get out and get to the next relationship.
This is tough, especially when you love the time he gives you, the nights he holds you tight to his chest and makes you feel all melty in your stomach and shivery on your skin. Just remind yourself: He does this with SEVERAL other women, too.
You are not special to him, and you deserve to be special.
Reconsider Your Dating Style
Being willing to casually and confidently date more than one guy at a time allows you to speed up the process of meeting the right man, it allows you to discover the things you do and don’t like in a relationship, and it sharpens your dating and relationship skills.
And whether you decide to remain a serial dater or start dating more than one man at a time, if you want to be the One Woman for a man, you should have that! And I know you’ll be willing to do the difficult and sometimes painful work of moving yourself toward that goal.
I believe in you! Keep working toward the love of your dreams.
Do you love Claire Casey’s relationship advice? She’s been a beacon to SO many women seeking advice. Click here to learn more about “Capture His Heart“, her fantastic program which empowers women in relationships!
Also, if you want more information about how men and women approach their relationships differently, click here for a ton of amazing insight into what men are looking for in a woman they want to commit to long term.
Claire Casey blogs at Ask Claire Casey and devotes her writing to helping you attract the kind of man who will treasure and protect your heart like the rare and beautiful gem it is. You can take Claire’s Love Number Quiz (it’s free) and make this YOUR year for love!
Article Source (reprinted with permission): Digital Romance