When we’re younger and perhaps more naïve, we may picture our future romantic lives to be rather perfect. We may think that we’ll naturally meet our future husbands or wives at college … or run into them in the supermarket … or be introduced by mutual friends.
You will be single. They will be single. The rest will be history.
But often this is not the case. And sometimes, quite sadly, you fall for someone who is spoken for. Either they are married or seriously dating someone else.
And then you are left to decide what to do.
Many things will go through your mind. But in this author’s world and in the world of many, the only thing to do is to follow the golden rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Yep, it pertains here too.
The Golden Rule of Love
How would you like it if you were happily dating someone and then someone else came along and had a heart to heart with your significant other, telling them how much they love your partner and how they want to be with them.
Not great?
Well, then you shouldn’t do that either.
And that’s the golden rule.
We know, we know. But what if their relationship is terrible!?
Unfortunately, that is not only not for you to decide, but you are also sort of biased, aren’t you?
Not all relationships look great from the outside. Furthermore, even if you are right and the person you have your eye on is in a relationship with a complete tool … that does not give you the right to go meddling in their business.
So. This leads us to the real work that you’ll need to start doing: Coping.
How to Cope with Loving Someone Who Is Taken
- Make sure that you’re not being played first.
We’d like to think that most people are decent, and most are. But there are some individuals out there who just love to be adored at all costs. So if you have a feeling (or simply know for sure) that the person you have your eye on is aware that you like him or her even when they are taken … they very well may continue to lead you on and play you as long as they possibly can until you figure out their twisted ways.
Don’t let this happen to you. Decent people don’t lead people on. Yes, even if they say they’re “confused” or “trying to figure things out.” Decent people choose a person and don’t lead people on.
- Remove yourself from the situation if possible.
Regardless of whether you are being led on, get as far away from this person as possible. This will make the transition away from being head over heels for them much, much easier. You also simply won’t be tempted by them.
- Forget the movies. Don’t reveal your feelings.
The movies tell us that running into a wedding ceremony and objecting is okay. They tell us that it’s alright to have a heart to heart with your taken crush in order to tell them “how you really feel.”
And they tell us that eventually, this person will realize that they feel the same way (yippee, you knew it!) and blabedy blah blah blah happily ever after.
Well, hun, none of those things are decent, moral things to do. They would be akin to doing with a “homewrecker” does, and nobody likes a homewrecker. Nope. Nobody.
- Don’t tell mutual friends or coworkers.
This just muddles things. And it can get you in real hot water down the line.
Mutual acquaintances may relay your feelings for someone who is already married or taken to that person or to that person’s significant other. In addition, many people look down upon those who lust after people who are already seeing someone, and you may end up losing friends and alienating people by disclosing your true feelings.
- Get real.
“Get real” means that you should Actually. Think. About what would happen if you were with this person.
Our minds and imaginations are so wild. They can literally turn any person into a God or Goddess when really … they’re just a normal dude or dudette.
When you feel obsessed with someone who is taken, start looking at the facts instead of living with your head in the clouds. Ask yourself these questions.
- How would I feel if they ditched their partner and got with me right now?
- Do I just like them because they are taken?
- Are we compatible?
Now, your deluded idea of this person may allow you to answer these questions and still be in love with this person—perhaps even more so. But hopefully, you can be objective and think critically enough to try to imagine the exact things that would take place if you got together.
They aren’t always so great.
Most important to remember here is: Who wants to be with someone who would leave one person for the next (you)?
Do you really want to break up this relationship just to get what you want?
If you are stuck in this situation, we’re sorry. It’s an extremely painful and difficult one to be in.
But do remember to value yourself, take the high road and expect high morals from others as well.
The silver lining in all of this is that it’s never over till the fat lady sings.
Don’t be a homewrecker. Don’t confess your love to a spoken for man or woman. But hey, if you want … hold out that little glimmer of hope that maybe, someday, on their own, they will end up finding their way to you.
And wouldn’t it be so much better that way? Yes.
